Hello, it’s Lize. Last time we left off as Samson was traveling to Paris to meet the Frankish King Childebert.
You may remember that he was born in Wales, that he was a monk, priest, then bishop, that he spent a while in Cornwall before crossing the Channel and landing at Dol, accompanied by a few monks. Among the latter was his cousin Magloire who would become his successor upon his death.
As he had healed the wife and daughter of a man who was waiting for him on the coast, warned of his arrival by divine inspiration, the latter gave him the land he would choose from his domain. After a while, Samson and his monks found a place, near a well full of brambles and brushwood, they built a monastery there, this was the origin of the city of Dol, which is called today “Dol-de-Bretagne” since a decree of 1924. No doubt intended for inattentive foreigners who might think they are in Dole in the Jura.
As an educational wake-up, I will tell you a little miracle. They were installed in their monastery, when one night while they were singing Matins, the lamps went out, it was impossible to light them again, and all the fires had gone out as well. Why ? We don’t know anything about it and that’s not the point ! What matters is that Samson entered into prayer and the lamps lit again by themselves and the flames sprang into the chimneys. It is a story validated by Albert the Great.
That’s the appetizer, now let’s move on to serious business : political relations with the Franks and the defense of the heritage… of the monks.
In Armorican Brittany, Conomor had killed Iona, king of Domnonée, married his widow and declared himself regent. He refused to step down to make way for Judual, son of Iona and legitimate heir. The population said that Conomor was a big bad guy, a sort of Bluebeard who killed his successive wives as soon as they were pregnant, he was called Conomor the Accursed… “Conomor the Accursed”, awesome ! Hagiographers praise Samson’s sense of justice, his compassion for the suffering people, he was “moved with pity”. Certainly, but his empathy very probably had its limits, and if he had not been a Cornish usurper, we do not know if he would have gotten involved. Judual was a direct descendant of Riwal, a native of Wales, like Samson. Samson had a simple political strategy : what belonged to the Welsh remained Welsh !
Here he goes to meet Childebert. On the way, he performs some miracles so that the rumor precedes him, as Illtud had taught him. Arriving at the king’s palace, he exorcises a very high dignitary possessed by the demon. Once again, I will spare you the filthy words of the dignitary under the influence of the devil. He takes out a vial of blessed oil, spreads it on the head, face and chest of the unfortunate man, and heals him. A big success with those present, Childebert was informed who received it immediately. With his thaumaturgical authority, Samson demands the immediate release of Prince Judual in order to place him back on his throne.
“Nein !” » says Childebert, or something close to it.
The monk takes his most diplomatic tone, he speaks in the name of Jesus Christ since they are among Christians, but Childebert has nothing to do with it, moreover the Breton bishops were considered dangerous dissidents by the Church of Rome. Furthermore, the king only puts religion before politics when it is in his interest. And, his interest is that Conomor continues to secure the coasts of Brittany, while Judual does not have an army. Samson, however, puts a lot of gentleness and above all perseverance into it. He’s Breton, he doesn’t give up easily. But, having exhausted all his resources of affability, the response of the king being more and more dry and almost outrageous, suddenly anger takes hold of him, he hits the ground with a big stick (fortunately, the ground was paved, otherwise a source would have sprung and it was no time for antics), he stands before the king, curses him and his entire race, threatens him with producing only degenerates if he does not grant him the release of Judual and he leaves, furious.
The Frank court is worried. Offending a saint, an irascible Breton with magical powers… they evoke the seven plagues of Egypt from the Bible. Samson is certainly not Moses but he has a certain power to cause harm. Then Childebert lets him know that he and Queen Ultrogoth invite him to dinner. Something about the lady’s name didn’t inspire confidence in him. For my part, when I read the name Ultrogothe, I imagined her wrapped in a long black leather coat, big shoes, tights torn at the knees, black eyelids and lips, tattoos everywhere, a mastiff collar and a piercing somewhere. Well, if we are to believe the hagiographers, it would have been a lesser evil.
Because he had barely sat at the royal table when a cup of wine was brought to him. Moved by a reflex, he makes the sign of the cross over it. And the moment the servant puts it down, it explodes in his hands and there is so much poison in it that the hand that holds the cup bursts to the bone. A nasty injury indeed. Well, he had looked for it. Ah, here is our dear santez Anna.
Samson. – Hi Anna, big girl, how is the boss?
Anna. – Well, yes, it’s okay.
Samson. – I’m glad to see you. Where are you coming from?
Anna. – From Malo’s.
Samson. – Someone told me that you make a Tro Breiz?
Anna. – Yes, that’s it.
Samson. – Sit next to me. Do you want to drink something?
Anna. – I’d like a glass of water.
Samson. – Wouldn’t you prefer a cup of cider, I have some too?
Anna. – No, thank you, later perhaps.
Samson. – Are you sick?
Anna. – Well, I forgot that humans had a liver!
Samson bursts out laughing.
Samson. – The mother goddess has a hangover!
Anna lowers her head piteously.
Anna. – A little.
Samson gets up and gives her some water.
Samson. – Here, this will do you good.
Anna. – Thanks, my boy.
She drinks.
Samson. – Are you hungry?
Anna. – No, thank you, it’s okay. On the road, people gave me food. They told me about you, about the restoration of Judual to his throne. They seem happy.
Samson. – That’s what the lady here was saying.
Anna turns around.
Anna. – Oh! Hello Madam.
Samson. – We were at my meeting with the Queen of the Franks.
Anna. – Which one ?
Samson. – Ultrogothe, Childebert’s wife, a Visigoth I believe.
Anna. – So, what is she like?
Samson. – You know, over time, I only exist through my hagiographs. So, according to my Vita prima, Ultrogothe was a very evil queen, bribed with sumptuous gifts from Conomor. Others said that she had fallen in love with the young prince and that was why she was violently opposed to his departure…
Anna. – A cougar?
Samson. – A what?
Anna. – (untranslatable) Quoicoubeh! Quoicoubeh! Quoicoubeh! Quoicou-quoicou-quoicoubeh! Quoicoubeh!
She squirms while singing. Samson looks at her, stunned…
Samson. – You’ll have to stop the water, Anna, it’s not good for you.
Anna. – Oh, it’s an expression of the 21st century, a fashion of kids, they answer “quoicoubeh” when someone says “quoi”. As for “cougar,” that was said about women who were interested in men much younger than themselves.
Samson remains perplexed.
Samson. – This is indeed what Ultrogothe was accused of. But historians strongly disagree with this reputation. The fact remains that according to legend, I healed the hand of the servant, which impressed Childebert, who agreed that I go see Judual. But the Goth gave me a fiery horse which threw all his riders on the ground, I tamed him with a sign of the cross and I terrorized a lion which fell dead.
Anna. – (very exuberant) Too strong!
Samson, impassive, gets up without a word and goes to get a cup of cider.
Samson. – Here, drink this!
Anna takes a sip.
Anna. – Hum! It’s good !
Samson. – Faced with my demonstration of powers, Childebert promised that I could leave with Judual and that he would support me against Conomor.
Anna. – On the way, I heard another version. It was said that in fact you had been a fine negotiator and that you had asserted to Childebert the interest he would have in taking the side of a Welsh prince, who would give him unfailing recognition and would not call into question the supremacy of the Franks over Armorica. Above all, with your family ties across the Channel, Judual and you, this would allow Childebert to claim to have influence even in Great Britain.
Samson. – Hum! It’s plausible.
Anna. – Plausible but less epic than the Vita version.
Samson. – Wait, there’s still the dragon.
Anna. – Did you kill a dragon again?
Samson. – Childebert asked me so politely that I couldn’t refuse. (mocking) Imagine the son of the terrible Clovis, very sweet: « we have been told that you have already been victorious in a similar affair and that is why we would wish, if this would not cause you any wrong, that you would rid us of it. » Now! We were far from the initial “Nein”!
Anna. – I understand why there are no more dragons. You zagged them all. Did you use the stole method or the belt method this time?
Samson. – The coat.
Anna. – Oh yes ?
Samson. – I tried to be magnanimous. I didn’t put him to death directly, I dragged him on a leash to the Seine, singing a psalm, then I just took him across the river and ordered him to stay under a stone. In the end, it didn’t change much, because a few years later he wanted to come out, and there, no pity, I sent him to drown in the sea, like the others, dead! After the dragon’s blow, the Frank could not stop swooning, I was a hero, his personal Siegfried; to thank me he gave me the land from which I had chased the dragon, he had a monastery built there, he was the one who paid.
Anna. – Where was it?
Samson. – At Pentale Abbey, but it was destroyed, there are ruins remaining at Saint-Samson-de-la-Roque.
Anna. – And Judual?
Samson. – Well, I let monks supervise and manage the Romanie Abbey…
Anna. – In Romania?
Samson. – ROmania, that means among the Franks. In Armorique, it’s everywhere that is not Breton.
Anna. – And where is the border of the Breton countries?
Samson. – It depends on the centuries. In mine, in the 6th century, you roughly trace a line between Dol and the mouth of the Vilaine, to the west, it’s Breton, to the east, it’s Romania.
Anna. – Ah really ? Rennes is not in Brittany? Nantes either?
Samson. – It’s not my fault if we didn’t invade those countries. You will recognize that I did my best.
Anna. – I don’t understand anything anymore! Well, I’m not really interested in these stories about Breton or not Breton! But explain to me anyway, quickly.
Samson. – Well, in the 6th century, “Little Brittany” is the part of Armorica where the Welsh and Cornish people from Great Britain settled, they speak Breton: Domnonée to the north, Cornouaille to the west, Vannetais to the south, and again, Vannes only became Breton when it was invested by Waroc in 578. But during my lifetime, the Bretons had not colonized either the Rennes city or Nantes. People didn’t speak Breton there.
Anna remains doubtful.
Anna. – Stop! You’re confusing me. Rennes, with its Parliament of Brittany and Nantes with its castle of the Dukes of Brittany!
Samson. – Yes, of course, you are right. But later; with King Nominoë and his descendants, in the 9th century. The Breton kings acquired Rennes, Nantes, and at one point even ruled over Cotentin and Avranchin.
Anna. – So Mont-Saint-Michel was in Brittany?
Samson. – I don’t understand why people make such a big deal about this poor piece of rock which just wants to get stuck in the sand as soon as it can; and which must cost a lot of money to maintain. For me, it doesn’t matter that it’s Norman, it’s right next to my place, I go there whenever I want. On the other hand, if people want to claime something, I would prefer that they claimed Jersey and Guernsey, which Childebert gave me before we left Paris. They are beautiful little islands, very clean and very rich, which produce good milk and good potatoes, that’s something better than an old rock.
Anna. – Aren’t you a little exaggerating?
Samson. – Never !
Anna. – You care a lot about these islands!
Samson. – They are mine. I went there regularly. There is even an episode recounted in my Vita secunda which takes place in Guernsey…
Anna. – Yeah, I know the story, and, if I were in your place, I wouldn’t brag about it: converting kids by giving them gold coins is within anyone’s reach.
Samson. – The fact remains that they have stopped celebrating the calends of January, with their debauchery and their horse races.
Anna. – Ah, that’s why you persist against horse racing, it’s because it’s a pagan rite! Well, I don’t want to disappoint you, but for the New Year’s feasts or the horse races, you’ve pretty much missed out. Pagan traditions die hard.
Samson. – (angry) Did they do it again?
Anna. – Ah, it looks like it, otherwise I don’t know what they use the Channel Islands Horseracing Authority for.
Samson. – How do you say?
Anna. – If my English is not faulty, it is the Channel Islands Horse Racing Authority…
Samson. – Ah, the bastards! And what’s more, they speak the language of the invader!
He hits the ground with his stick.
Anna. – Didn’t you know? It’s been a while though.
Samson. – And for the calends?
Anna. – Well… if you take a look on the Internet, you will find lots of “things to do” for “New Year’s Eve”! And no prayer retreats, I tell you!
Samson. – What is this “Niouyeuziv”?
Anna. – The January calends. Stop with that stick, you’ll make a spring spring up. Tell me how it ended for Judual.
Samson. – (in a dry tone) We left Childebert, put to sea, landed in Guernsey. There, we raised an army. When the people of Domnonée knew that Judual was free and ready to intervene, they came to join him, Judual landed on the Armorican coast, and after several battles, he killed Conomor. End of the tyrant’s reign.
Anna. – Well done. Judual can be grateful to you.
Samson. – (he softens) He was. He made Dol a bishopric, and gave me authority over all the other bishoprics of Brittany. Judual reigned in peace and on good terms with Childebert. But afterwards, relations became strained with the other Merovingian kings. Anna, who is starting to no longer pay attention, gets up and prepares to leave.
Anna. – There is still something that I don’t understand in this story. If Domnonée was a dual kingdom, on both sides of the Channel, and if, in Great Britain, Domnonée covered Cornwall and Devon, why was in Armorica the Cornish Conomor considerered a usurper , and not Riwal, the Welsh? But I don’t have time anymore, I’ll come back and see you. I have a long way to go before I get to Patern.
Samson. – Which way are you going?
Anna. – Across Brocéliande.
Samson. – You can stop at Mewen’s, he will be happy to see you.
Anna. – He’s not part of Tro Breiz, Mewen?
Samson. – No, the abbey of Saint-Méen is not a bishopric, so it does not count in Tro Breiz.
Anna. – Oh, yes, of course. Well, my Samson, thank you for everything. Before leaving, I’m going to take a look around Dol, I saw that you have a really pretty church.
Samson. – Anna, you old witch, you respect nothing. It’s not just a pretty church, it’s a cathedral. The cathedral of my bishopric. And even, Dol was the archbishopric…
Anna. – Stop it, boy, you are not going to start with this story!
Samson. – Yes, you are right. But please enter the cathedral, it’s really beautiful, you’ll see. (proudly) They put up lots of statues of me, and don’t miss the stained glass windows that tell the story of my life.
Anna. – My Samson, you don’t change. Come on, thank you for this great discussion and for the cup of cider. See you soon.
Samson. – Thank you, Anna, my pleasure.
Anna. –Kenavo!
Samson. – Ken emberr, Anna!
Anna turns around politely.
Anna. – Goodbye, madam.
Liz. – Goodbye, Anna.
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